August 29, 2023
by Stephen T. Messenger
It’s official. We dropped our second child at college this week, and she’s off on her own adventure 1,000 miles away from home. We’re not worried. In the last 18 years, she’s emerged as an incredibly independent woman who’s ready to take on the challenges of life.
Right before we drove away, we imparted our last shot of wisdom upon her. In the end, my wife and I each gave her one, and she surprised us by giving herself one too.
These three pieces of advice were great for a college kid. But they also resonated with me in my own leadership journey.
1. Understand Your Big Rocks and Focus on Them
My advice came from a probably familiar story by author Stephen Covey about understanding what’s most important in life. He calls these your big rocks and argues everyone must know what their big rocks are (three-minute video interpretation below).
For my daughter, I argued her four big rocks were most likely these in order: God, grades, work, and exercise.
It’s critical to prioritize your comprehensive fitness. This includes spiritual resiliency (God), mental acuity (grades), financial stability (work), and health (exercise). College offers a lot of great activities that support holistic fitness to include the emotional and social components.
The environment also offers a lot of activities that distract students from achieving their goals: parties, alcohol, social media, unnecessary drama, the ability to sleep in, and a host of other ways to push to the side what’s really important.
Focus on the big rocks above all else and don’t get distracted from your end goals.
2. When You Make a Mistake, Don’t Compound It with Another
My wife offered better advice than me (as usual); it was about messing up. She said you’re going to make a bad decision—it’s going to happen. The key is to not compound that decision with another bad one.
I thought about this like my Spidey-sense. It’s when I find myself in a situation that just doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t be in that part of town, having to make this decision, or in a bad conversation that I knowingly walked into. Something in my gut knows it’s wrong, and I was the one who put myself there.
There’s no problem with that. Just make a better decision to get out of it. Ask for help. Phone a friend. Call your parents (hint… hint…). Do something to accept the consequences of your mistake and prevent anything worse from happening.
We all mess up. It’s what you do after which proves your character and demonstrates your leadership ability.
3. Take Charge of Your Life—Don’t Let It Take Charge of You
My daughter’s parting shot of wisdom to herself was that you have to run your life, or it’ll run you. This was encouragingly profound coming from my 18-year-old daughter, and she certainly understands that life is going to pass us all by if we don’t take control of it.
She’s done this well in the last two years. Instead of going to a traditional high school, she’s chosen a non-conventional route of college classes online and in-person. She took ownership of her finances and got a job. And she’s been involved in a number of activities to target career goals.
You can’t wait until life knocks on the door one day and asks if you want to be successful. You have to go out and get it. It ties into the big rocks—go hunt what’s important and don’t get distracted.
“Be true to the game, because the game will be true to you. If you try to shortcut the game, then the game will shortcut you. If you put forth the effort, good things will be bestowed upon you. That’s truly about the game, and in some ways that’s about life too.” -Michael Jordan
The Beauty of Advice
We all need advice from time to time. Whether we’re a new college student or an established professional, there is so much to learn from others.
I started this conversation with my daughter thinking I was giving advice. I received two great pieces in return.
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