April 16, 2024
by Stephen T. Messenger
At a recent public event, I randomly met an important person that I’ll be working with a lot in the future. We shook hands, and I was ready for a longer conversation about how we can mutually help each other. But after about ten seconds, he politely excused himself and walked away.
There was nothing wrong with this behavior, but it struck me odd that he disappeared so quickly. A host of ridiculous questions popped into my brain. Did I do something wrong? Does he hate me? Was it my breath?
More than likely, he had other things on this mind or people to see and was focused on his next thing. Him abruptly leaving had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with his schedule. It was an unexpected encounter, and I probably just caught him at a bad time.
Yet, I couldn’t stop from thinking in the back of my head that this may be a fractured relationship or at the very least one I needed to work on in the future. While I’m fairly confident it was nothing, the encounter changed our relationship in my mind. I took this as a lesson going forward to not walk by people.
Don’t Walk by People
In a leadership position where currently hundreds of people work for me and thousands know me, it’s nearly impossible to personally connect with everyone. That doesn’t mean I have to stop trying–quite the opposite.
As I roam so many different work areas, I make it a point to try and never walk by a room without acknowledging the person in it. Time permitting, and I attempt to give myself extra time going places, I’ll stop in quickly and ask some questions about how things are going. It is simple, time consuming, and important.
Unfortunately, we could get this right 100 times, but the first person we miss thinks the boss is an uncaring jerk who was too busy to flash a quick smile and say “hi.”
Leaders must get this right with both individuals and larger audiences.
The Drive Thru Fail
At a previous assignment, we had an incredibly important and high-ranking official visit us. It was a big deal with rehearsals, timelines, and preparation. I knew my role well to greet him in our motor pool, show off our stuff, and introduce him to everyone on my team.
Right on time he arrived, and we started with our vehicles and then our makeshift gym. Interested in our equipment, he spent 10 minutes talking about lifting weights and exercise. It was going well. I then walked him over to the area with all our people and was ready to have him meet everyone along with a quick highlight on their accomplishments.
As I introduced him to the first person, he briefly acknowledged this man and kept walking. There was no conversation nor interaction. Catching up to our visitor, I tried with the next person, but he kept moving. Less than three minutes later he was gone and onto the next section in the building.
It wasn’t a huge deal, but everyone felt slighted by the drive-by, and it was the topic of conversation for weeks to come. Specifically, there was wonder on why he spent more time talking about gym equipment than to people.
This interaction is a constant reminder to me that walking by someone when you’re in charge will have effects whether we like it or not. Our guest had no idea the impression he was making and thought he was being friendly enough. The perception was much different.
It’s Not the Words We Say, But How They Feel
I’m starting to realize my words are less important than the time I spend talking with people. After the engagement, they’ll either feel neglected if we walk by or valued if we stop. Therefore I’ve concluded, finding time to stop and chat becomes a labor of love. And since we’re all busy people passing so many others every day, we must have a game plan.
1. Use Leading Questions to Get Them Talking. “What’s new with the ______ family?” I had a peer that would ask me that every time I saw him. What it did was force me to have a story in my pocket and made me a better small talker. Or a simple, “How was your weekend?” or “What are you working on?” are softball questions. They don’t want to hear us talk—they want to talk about themselves.
2. Thank Them. There is no better way to engage people in our organization than with thankfulness from the heart. Once we know what they’re up to, we can appreciate what they’re doing. Whether being a great parent, spouse, employee, or volunteer, or crushing a specific work assignment, there’s always something we can thank others for. Show genuine appreciation for them trying hard at life.
3. Inspire Others. As we wrap it up, what’s the message we want them to remember. Usually, it’s a core value of our business or the reason we work there. At our organization, we say that the center of gravity is “the Soldier” and we do everything we can to support them. In another example, what I always love leaving with is, “Be great today!” No matter what we say upon departure, it should be something they can easily remember.
4. Finally, Get Out of There. We have things to do. Go do them. I recently heard on a podcast that a great way to wrap up a conversation is, “Before I let you go, I just wanted to say…” This signals that we’re ready to move on and mentally prepares the other person for our departure. Say something nice and head to the next engagement.
What Will They Remember?
When we stop and talk to others, who knows what they’ll remember. I doubt they’ll deeply reflect, or recall, the words we speak. But they are going to remember how they felt afterwards when we stopped to demonstrate care for people.
They will also remember that the boss took time to say hi. They’ll remember the personal handshake and our thank you. And while they’ll most likely forget the words we say, they won’t forget that we took time personally to connect and spend our energy on what matters most to our organization: people.
It’s up to us to stop and talk with people as we walk by.
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