July 16, 2024
by Stephen T. Messenger
When my children were very young, I would often make faces at them. Most of the time, they would mirror the same one back. When I smiled, they smiled. When I growled like a lion, they growled back. And when I made a funny face, so did they.
There’s something inside us that wants to mimic those we’re interacting with beginning at a young age. Mirroring another person is also a business technique to intentionally imitate facial expressions, body posture, and tone to improve an interaction. This often results in stronger bonds, increased approachability, and better teamwork.
Any organization mirrors the emotions and attitudes of the leader. I once worked in a unit led by an Air Force General who wore his flight suit zipped all the way to the top, then two teeth down. This was noted by the other flight suit wearing airmen, and they started to do the same.
Followers will consciously and unconsciously mirror the leader, which is why it’s so important to keep our negative emotions in check. If we wear our emotions on our sleeves and walk in defeated, beaten down, or angry, our team will match this energy.
It’s so important that we don’t portray any negative emotions they may mirror, but instead, constantly reflect the attitude we want others to have. This doesn’t always have to be a positive, cheery, or fake disposition, but could be emotions such as focused intensity, empathy, or thoughtfulness we want our people to use in their leadership journey.
The Broken Wall of Emotion
Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson was a brilliant Civil War Confederate General on the battlefield, but frequently let his emotions get the best of him which in turn affected his people. He was incredibly difficult to work with driven by legalistic opinions of right and wrong and frequently lost his cool.
Jackson earned his moniker at the First Battle of Bull Run, the initial engagement of the Civil War. He commanded a Virginian Brigade and was one of the few to hold their position against a withering Union attack. Seeing this act of bravery, Brigadier General Bernard Bee told his men, “There is Jackson standing like a stone wall. Let us determine to die here, and we will conquer. Rally behind the Virginians!”
Yet Jackson’s battlefield brilliance was not matched by his disposition. He constantly let his emotions get the best of him, causing personal issues with his soldiers. Jackson’s deep-rooted belief in right and wrong led to clashes before the war with peers and as a Virginia Military Institute instructor. On the battlefield, he struggled just as much.
His short temper led to personal conflicts time and time again during the war. He once arrested five colonels when they let their men use fences for firewood, a minor infraction. He court-martialed subordinate commander Richard Garnett for retreating after being outnumbered two-to-one, low on ammunition, and surrounded on all sides.
He similarly lost his cool when trying to take subordinate commander Turner Ashby’s cavalry forces citing a lack of disciplined leadership. When Ashby threatened to resign on the spot, Jackson backed down—an emotional swing.
And finally, Jackson let his emotions get the best of him on a long march into Maryland in the summer of 1862. He was so frustrated with subordinate commander A. P. Hill for failing to follow orders, he rode to the front and personally directed Hill’s soldiers.
Hill, insulted by this power play, found Jackson and stated, “General Jackson, you have assumed command of my division, here is my sword; I have no use for it.” Jackson replied, and to his credit with no outward emotion, “Keep your sword General Hill, but consider yourself under arrest of neglect of duty.”
Jackson frequently made emotional decisions in the moment which had negative effects on his unit. At one point he even argued with Robert E. Lee over artillery transfers. While Jackson was a stone wall in battlefield tactics, he struggled to be a stone wall with his emotions, displaying them in a way which disrupted organizational dynamics.
Centeredness
Maintaining the center of our emotions is a prerequisite to leading others. Glenn Furuya in The Little Book with 50 Big Ideas on Leadership talks about centeredness as being a great rock that cannot be shaken. For example, when receiving bad news, we must accept the information with a face like flint, one that absorbs it with professionalism and limited emotion.
Furuya quotes Buddha where “The great rock is not disturbed by the wind. Neither is the mind of a wise man (or woman) disturbed by honor or abuse.” It’s important not to let our highs get too high nor our lows get too low—we must dampen the emotional sine wave.
Furuya goes on to say that when a difficult situation arises, the best leaders stay centered by performing four tasks: Stop, Think, Decide, and Do. The military has a similar theory created by John Boyd called the OODA Loop: Observe, Orient, Decide, and Act. This military planning theory helps make decisions faster than our opponents and outthink them on the battlefield. Both Boyd’s and Furuya’s theories help us with a framework to quickly think through crises without wearing emotions on our sleeves.
1. Observe / Stop. Pause after hearing the negative information. So often, our first reaction is to react poorly. After all, we’re human and have natural responses to bad news. However, just like my kid’s reaction was to mimic me, often our natural response to bad news is immediate negativity. Pause first.
2. Orient / Think. Once we receive the news, it’s important to internally process it. We sometimes hear leaders think out loud, which is good, and sometimes we hear them think out loud, which is bad. The best response is to keep any visceral response to ourselves and think through the problem.
3. Decide / Decide. Now that we’ve thought through the problem set, it’s time to make a decision—a deliberate decision. This decision can be made alone or with others, but it’s important to decide. Also, no decision is a decision. If we choose that route, there must be a reason for it.
4. Act / Do. Perhaps the most important step is to take action. Now that we have a proper course of action that was rationally thought through with limited emotion, we have to carry out that answer to achieve results and to metaphorically close with and destroy the enemy. Results are important.
These four steps allow us to process information and respond appropriately to our people without losing control of our emotions. They can be done very quickly and allow us to show leadership presence instead of leadership panic.
Followers Emulate Leaders to Include Emotions
It’s critical that we act in a manner that we want our people to emulate. Emotional leaders who fly off the handle, blame others, react poorly to bad news, or just be grumpy have detrimental effects on others. Next time we receive bad news, it’s important to stop, process the information, and calmly respond with rational leadership.
Just like young children mimic the faces of their parents, our organization mimics us in words, actions, and deeds. We have to put our best self forward every day regardless of the attacks we face in the background. Standing emotionally resilient is a key skill all of us must master.
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This series is part of our BRAG+1 Leadership Philosophy. If you’re just joining us, start from the beginning on 16 January: A Team to BRAG about and continue from there:
Boots: Put Boots on the Ground
Regimentals: Place Service over Self
Armor: Be Resilient to Life’s Attacks
Gun: Close with and Destroy the Enemy
+1 (Belt): Not a Hint, Sniff, nor Whiff of Impropriety
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