March 11, 2025
by Stephen T. Messenger
In any pursuit, whether it’s sports, business, art, or personal development, surrounding ourselves with people who challenge and surpass our current abilities is one of the most effective ways to grow. Seeking out mentors, competitors, or peers who excel in areas we want to improve pushes us to up our game. When we work alongside or learn from someone better than us, their expertise provides valuable insight, their example sets a higher standard, and their success serves as tangible proof of what’s possible.
This approach fosters continuous learning and improvement, preventing complacency and stagnation. Growth happens in discomfort, and by embracing the challenge of keeping up with someone more skilled, we accelerate our own progress. Working with those more talented than us is crucial for self-improvement and takes us to the next level.
History is full of examples where junior officers learned from great generals, shaping them into outstanding leaders themselves. One example is Napoleon Bonaparte and his marshals. Many of Napoleon’s protegees, such as Louis-Nicolas Davout and Jean Lannes started as relatively junior officers but learned from Napoleon’s tactical genius, eventually becoming some of the most formidable commanders in Europe. They learned under the tutelage of Napoleon to become greater themselves. Greatness begets greatness.
The Table Tennis Massacre
I’m a pretty good ping pong player. We’ve had a table in our basement on most military assignments where there was room, and I’ve been playing with my kids, brothers, bride, and family for decades. Our setup is simple, and my weapon of choice is the three-dollar Walmart paddle we bought as a set in 2004. While not a blanket statement, I’ve basically been undefeated in the 21st Century. At this assignment, I’ve been feeling the call for more, and daydreamed about entering a local ping pong tournament. To start, I visited the local table tennis club at our community center a few weeks ago.
It went less as I planned and more like the Rocky movie series, except in this case, the underdog lost every bout. I played the president of the club (Apollo Creed), a 74-year-old man (Mr. T), a no-kidding Russian who spoke broken English (Ivan Drago), and a cocky kid off the streets (Tommy Gunn). Basically, it was a bloodbath. I knew I was in trouble the second I walked in. They all very politely admired my Walmart special as they drew their paddles out of sealed, black plastic mini-suitcases and were waxing them as I entered.
Next Level Learning
While it was embarrassing to lose miserably to every single person I played, it was absolutely enlightening to learn what the next level looks like. I met dedicated students of the game who spent time, money, and effort on getting better. They were all incredibly kind and encouraging, providing tips and advice throughout the three-hour smack down. I learned so much from their experience, example, and success.
1. Experience Provides Valuable Insight. Simply being in the presence of those greater than us allows a glimpse of ways to get better. I saw more spins, slams, and sick serves in 180 minutes than I’d seen or performed in the last 18 years. Being around them and watching their skills made me think about how I could get better and experiment with my own techniques.
I once served on the Commander’s Action Group at United States Transportation Command, working relatively near the commander. General Darren McDew was an incredible leader who I had the opportunity to observe lead at the highest levels. His actions, words, and deeds made me a better officer just by observing him. When we have the opportunity to place ourselves near experts, we instantly learn from it.
2. Example Sets a Higher Standard. It was very clear in my Rocky Balboa beatdown that I was outclassed by experience. These players had the right equipment, practice, and mindset to excel. They raised the bar from a three-dollar ping pong paddle to ones costing hundreds of dollars. They played less with family and more with experts. And they practiced, practiced, and practiced, often trying new moves on each other that night. Everything they did raised my bar.
People invest money and time in what is important to them. When I was attempting to earn the Expert Infantryman’s Badge, a series of tests on basic soldier skills, I went all in for a few months practicing every spare minute with those who have already succeeded, with them demonstrating how extra physical training and purchasing better equipment provided an advantage on testing day. Learning from their example, I passed every task on my first attempt. We learn by watching, and then by doing.
3. Success Serves as Tangible Proof of What Is Possible. The heavyweight ping pong players at the local club were performing moves I’d never seen before. The ball was defying physics in the air, curving in ways I thought was only possible in the matrix. When we find people who are excelling in their trade, our eyes open to a new and expanded future.
In the Army, sports, parenting, and many organizations, there is a linear path where many have gone before us to pave the way. They are usually more than happy to teach, coach, and mentor us. When we see others doing it right, it shows what we can achieve as well. I have so many mentors in my life that I can pick up the phone and call for advice. Find successful people and latch onto them, learning what is possible well beyond what we’ve already been doing.
Find Someone Better
Whatever place we’re at in life, there is a next level out there we haven’t yet unlocked. But there are others that are already playing ahead of us. It’s our job to find those who are willing to let us observe and discuss their experience, example, and success to get better. Much like when I found a room of ping pong gurus, when we hang out with those that are better than us in a particular discipline, it will up our game.
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This website is a personal blog and all writings, podcasts, opinions, and posts are the authors’ own and do not represent the views of the United States Army nor any other organization. Podcast music credit in this audio file is to: “Alex Productions – Legends” is under a Creative Commons license (CC BY 3.0). / @alexproductionsnocopyright
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