April 10, 2025
by Michael M. Posey
We all feel stressed at times. Often, this comes from the pressure we impose on ourselves, wishing to conquer the world by taking on multiple tasks and showcasing our talents. Whether we work in industry, educate others, serve in the nonprofit sector or government, attend school, care for loved ones, or labor in any occupation, we probably have felt overwhelmed by events and our “to-do” list.
Like many, I often demand too much of myself and find life imbalanced. When I feel overwhelmed, I remember the straightforward advice given to me by Retired Vice Admiral Barry Costello, then the two-star commander of Cruiser-Destroyer Group One, as I prepared to fly into combat: “Take care of yourself first, then your family. Only after you have taken care of those first two priorities can you focus on the third: the mission.”
Before Flying Over Baghdad
The USS Constellation (CV-64) executed her final voyage as part of Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2003. Embarked on board, the flyers were summoned to the fo’c’sle to listen to the then Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Richard Myers, give us a pep talk. Hosting our nation’s senior 4-star General on our aircraft carrier reminded us of the gravity of our mission. Lightly oscillating with the waves of the Northern Arabian Gulf, the aviators of Carrier Air Wing Two stood at attention, ever so slightly swaying with the motion. After the Chairman finished, the media reporters left the ship’s space with him. We continued to stand as our admiral spoke to us on this calm, warm March evening. This would be his final opportunity to address the aviators on board before we would fly into combat the next night.
Admiral Costello paced through our ranks. “What is important to you?” he queried, turning to face a young pilot.
The lieutenant responded, “Sir, flying well is important to me.”
“What else? What else is important?” he asked, turning to face another aviator.
The lieutenant commander answered, “Admiral, my family is important to me.”
“Thank you. What else? What else do you prioritize?” he questioned. Pausing for effect, he paced the ranks some more, facing a pilot from a different squadron.
“Uh… my health, Sir,” the lieutenant junior grade replied.
“Ah… okay, yes. We need to bin the big priorities in our lives. I’m going to summarize what you all have told me is important. Let’s say that we have to take care of the Navy mission. We also need to prioritize our families and take care of ourselves.
He continued to pace, now standing behind me, and his booming voice echoed through the ship.
“How should we prioritize these three big priorities in our life?”
One aviator responded, “Sir, the Navy mission, then my family, and then myself.”
His response sounded pretty good to me. Admiral Costello asked another, “Okay, how about you? How would you prioritize these three important aspects in our lives?”
He echoed his shipmate’s exact answer. The next aviator followed suit, and the one after him did the same.
The Admiral raised his voice slightly, “Is that what you all believe? Should we first prioritize the Navy mission, then our families, and then ourselves?”
Most in the Air Wing were unsure if the admiral’s question was rhetorical or not, but a few replied, “Yes, Sir!” The answers popped in the carrier’s fo’c’sle.
Life Advice
Admiral Costello retorted, “Well. You are all wrong.” He quietly walked back to the front of the formation. “Stand at ease, gentlemen.” His silence between phrases brought power to his voice.
“I want you to take care of yourself first. Now, I do not mean that you should ever act selfishly. I am talking about eating right, working out, getting enough sleep, reading, worshiping and being spiritually active – if that is important to you, and being emotionally balanced. You have to prioritize yourself first so that you can do the next most important thing: take care of your family.
“Your family will be with you long after you leave the Navy. I know we’re away, but please write that letter, make a video of yourself reading to your kids, and complete your legal paperwork. In other words, do whatever you can to ensure your family is well taken care of. It is only when you’ve taken care of yourself and your family that you can focus on the Navy mission.”
“As you fly into harm’s way, I need you to succeed with your part of the Navy mission, so I ask you to prioritize your lives accordingly.”
Life Priorities: Clarity When Overwhelmed
I am back ashore now and far from a combat zone, yet the admiral’s words still move me. When I feel overwhelmed, I do my best to recall that on the eve of combat operations, speaking to a room full of young aviators who may not come back, this military leader reminded us to take care of ourselves first and families second, because it is only then that we can focus on our mission. So, I encourage us to live this way as well. Prioritize our lives in a manner that is healthy and brings clarity when this world becomes stressful, which for many of us, is a daily occurrence.
Mike Posey is an active-duty Naval Flight Officer in the E-2C Hawkeye and the F/A-18F Super Hornet. He is a father of two phenomenal children and the husband of a fantastic woman. He holds business degrees from Carnegie Mellon University and the University of Florida and is currently pursuing a doctorate in education from Penn State University.
The views expressed here are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect those of the United States Navy or the Department of Defense.
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Photo Credits: Arabian Gulf (Mar. 21, 2003) — Rear Adm. Barry Costello, Commander Cruiser Destroyer Group One (CCDG-1), and pilots assigned to Carrier Air Wing Two (CVW-2) listen to a pre-flight brief in one of the squadron ready rooms. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Felix Garza Jr. (RELEASED)
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