April 29, 2025
by Stephen T. Messenger
Everyone needs someone in their corner. Whether a person is thriving or struggling, having someone ready to lift them up can make all the difference. Many people don’t have that kind of support, but we can choose to be it.
At the start of the year, I made a simple goal: “Lift others up.” Four months later, after an honest assessment, I realized I was doing… well, just okay. Looking around at my coworkers and kids, I saw plenty of missed opportunities and moments where a few simple words could have made a huge impact. There’s massive room for improvement, not just for me, but for all of us who want to be encouragers.
This challenge reminds me of a military pop-up target rifle range. On the range, green silhouettes rise behind berms at distances between 25 and 300 meters. The shooter’s task is straightforward: knock the target down in the few seconds before it retracts. Every day around us, good deeds pop up just like those targets. They’re moments waiting to be recognized, yet so many disappear before we fire a compliment.
The true encourager doesn’t let targets pass by. We lock onto the good actions we see, zero in, and take the shot with a sincere word of praise, delivered right on time. It’s our job to become compliment snipers.
Lifting others up doesn’t mean handing out endless praise without accountability. It means helping people achieve their full potential through positive feedback, clear recognition, and genuine encouragement.
The Science of Compliments
Research backs this up. A 2020 study by Erica Boothby and Vanessa Bohns showed that people consistently underestimate the impact of their compliments. Many feel awkward offering praise or fear it’ll come across as insincere. Yet a 2022 University of Pennsylvania study found that the person receiving a compliment feels significantly better than the giver expects, and even more, the giver often walks away feeling more connected, more confident as a leader, and more emotionally intelligent.
In short, a few words of praise offer a huge return for almost no investment.
The Key to Effective Encouragement
If we want to be known as great encouragers, we need to focus on quantity, quality, and timing. Like any good marksman, we have to fire often, aim carefully, and shoot the compliment without hesitation.
Quantity: Praise Often
Early in my Army career, I was taught the phrase accuracy by volume when engaging the real enemy. When it comes to encouragement, the same principle applies. Studies suggest we should strive for at least five positive comments for every correction. If someone is struggling emotionally or behaviorally, that ratio should be even higher. But the real lesson is simple. There’s no limit to positivity.
Bonds in marriage, family, teams, and leadership all strengthen when positive reinforcement is frequent and sincere. Look around throughout the day and we’ll see a hundred small targets pop up. Fire often.
Quality: Be Specific
As one of my marksmanship instructors used to say, “Aim center of mass and hit your target.” Once we’re firing more compliments, we need to make sure they hit home. Saying “good job” is fine, but it doesn’t tell the person what they did right or why it mattered.
The Army’s resiliency training has a module called effective praise, which encourages us to name the action and tie it to a real result. It shows that we see them, we recognize their effort, and we appreciate what they bring to the team. Specificity makes the compliment feel real, and it builds real momentum.
Timeliness: Fire Now
On a pop-up range, you have only a few seconds to fire before the target disappears. The same goes for encouragement. If you delay too long, the moment fades.
I once heard a pastor say that when it comes to marriage, if you see your spouse doing something good, say it right then. If you think of something you admire, express it. That advice applies to everyone. When we see someone doing something admirable, we should engage right away. Take the shot. Then look for the next target.
Keep It Real
Above all, compliments must be sincere. Empty flattery is easy to spot and leaves people feeling patronized. The best compliments start by noticing a real behavior or effort that aligns with our values. Then we reflect on why that action stood out to us.
When we deliver it, we keep it simple and specific. We don’t need flowery speeches; just a clear statement, given with authenticity and respect, can hit harder than any grand gesture.
Raising the Bar
If we want to become known as encouragers, it’s going to take effort and attention. The good news is, it’s the kind of work that’s enjoyable, fulfilling, and welcomed by everyone around us.
The world is full of small victories waiting to be recognized. Every day, targets are popping up. It’s up to us to stay alert, take aim, and lift people up with our words.
The range is live. The targets are waiting. Time to fire.
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