October 14, 2025
by Stephen T. Messenger
In the moment, a major failure seems catastrophic, like everything we’ve build just fell apart in an instant. But hidden inside that collapse is the foundation for something stronger, if we choose to rebuild it.
It’s natural and appropriate to process our failures and dealing with failure is very similar to the Kübler-Ross five grief stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But I argue there’s a sixth phase to processing failure and that is improvement. Our goal is to move from failure to improvement as fast as possible.
The Eleventh Inning Error
Last week, the Philadelphia Phillies lost their playoff series to the Los Angeles Dodgers on a walk-off error. The pitcher, 24-year-old Orion Kerkering, entered the game to end the inning with the bases loaded, two outs, and tied in the bottom of the eleventh inning.
Kerkering got the batter to softly tap the ball back to the pitcher’s mound, a play he has successfully made hundreds of times in his career. But in a panic, he bobbled the ball and then threw it wildly to home plate instead of an easy out at first base, allowing the Dodgers to win and take the series.
This was a hard-to-watch human moment. Kerkering, feeling the full weight of the loss, bent over, dropping his hands to his knees and lowered his head to the ground as the Dodgers flooded the field in celebration, running past the crestfallen Kerkering. Every one of us has had that moment, watching a mistake echo louder than it should.
Orion slowly walked to the dugout and sat down on the bench as the realization of what happened settled in. For the national audience watching, everyone knew this was a moment he would remember the rest of his life. To him, that inning probably felt like the end of the world. But it wasn’t, and it never is. Our lowest moments often feel final, but they never are.
In order to move from our failure feeling final to recovering and thriving in the next phase of life, we must go through the five stages of grief.
From Worst to First
Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, known for her work On Death and Dying, outlined five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Though her model centered on loss, the same emotions surface after failure. Understanding them helps us move through each one and toward growth.
Denial. This is where the mind hits pause. It protects us from the shock of what just happened. We tell ourselves, “That didn’t just happen,” or “There’s no way this is real.” You could see it in Orion Kerkering’s frozen stare after the error as his body tried to process what the mind could not yet accept.
Anger. Once reality hits, emotion follows fast. We get frustrated at others, the situation, or ourselves. Orion never lashed out, but you could see the tension in his face as he walked off the field. We have all felt that same inner fire when the mistake is ours alone.
Bargaining. Next comes the replay. We go over every detail in our minds, saying, “If only I had done this differently.” You can imagine Orion replaying that throw a thousand times, seeing all the ways it could have gone right. We all do it. It is how we try to make sense of what is already done.
Depression. Then comes the weight. The noise fades, and the heaviness settles in. For Orion, it was the quiet walk to the dugout, head down and alone with his thoughts. That low moment is part of the process. It is where we start to rebuild.
Acceptance. Finally, the fog lifts. We stop replaying the error and begin to see what is next. Orion will reach this stage just as we all do. Acceptance is not the end; it is the opening to the next phase: improvement.
If we do it right, no one event defines any of us. We only define ourselves when we choose to become better through adversity.
An Additional Stage: Improvement
Acceptance isn’t the end. It’s the doorway. The real power comes in what we do next: improve. Acceptance says, “I failed.” Improvement says, “Now I know how to win.” I wish I could remember who wrote this book quote, but the author states that “You can’t win history.”
Basically, no matter if we win or lose today, there will always be more to win or lose tomorrow, and we will never be on top forever. Even if the Phillies won the World Series, they will still feel the pressure in five short months when the next season starts.
So after we fail, it’s up to us to sift through the events of what happened and do everything possible to learn from our mistakes. We should look at processes, people, relationships, and lessons to improve our position and decision-making skills going into the next round.
Only by deep reflection and openness to continuous improvement can we posture ourselves for future success. This is all about “failing up” and making sure our last failure helps us achieve our next success.
From the Valley (Dugout) to the Mountain (Pitcher’s Mound)
Yes, failing is embarrassing, terrible, and mentally exhausting. But it can also be a learning tool to move us forward on our journey that isn’t grounded in wins and losses but in sustained improvement. When we use our failure to inform our future, we are creating tomorrow’s momentum and opportunity.
Our job is to go through the phases of grief as fast as possible and get to the improvement phase. Once there, we clearly see how to get better.
Orion Kerkering is in a tough place this week, but I have no doubt that he will continue to improve and be a great player and human being, hopefully back on the mound for the Phillies.
Failure only feels final. But it’s not. What defines us isn’t the moment we fall. It’s the strength we find when we rise again.
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