The Inner Narrator

August 5, 2025

by Stephen T. Messenger

We all have a voice in our heads that keeps a running commentary of our lives. Like a sports commentator, although far less objective or professional, it quickly interprets events around us and makes judgments that feed our story. The problem is, the inner narrator is not always reliable, therefore we need to control the story, so it doesn’t control us.

Judgment Based on Weak Context

I was speaking during a meeting the other week with forty-plus colleagues. My inner narrator noted my points were clear, succinct, and valuable, forwarding an important conversation. My narrator then, without asking as it usually does, took stock of the room while I was speaking.

It noticed one person yawning. Unhelpfully redirecting me, my inner narrator immediately informed me that my comments were boring and unhelpful. Soon after, it took stock of another colleague sipping coffee while paying close attention and nodding, reinforcing the idea that my comments were landing well.

The thing is, the inner narrator often guesses based on weak context, with no guarantee of accuracy. In all three unsolicited opinions, it made judgment calls that could have been right or wrong. It’s completely plausible that my comments were terrible and a disruption to the group, that the yawn was because the person slept poorly last night, and that the coffee drinker was smiling and nodding at his choice of latte.

Instead of trusting the snap judgements of the inner narrator, it’s best to use these commentaries to inform us, help us improve, and not dictate our emotions.

Why the Inner Narrator Matters

The inner narrator is the voice inside us that tells us the story of our lives. Much like in sports, it has a play-by-play announcer and color commentary. The play-by-play observes and states the facts around us while the color commentary makes value judgments based on our experiences, beliefs, memories, and emotions.

The judgment is based on our history, culture, upbringing, and value system. It then tells us the story of our lives, trying to make sense of what we see around us. It often interprets other people’s actions and explains what they may be thinking and why they may be acting a certain way.

All of this is good, except when it isn’t. We need an internal voice to make sense of what’s happening around us, but it’s important to note the inner narrator affects our self-esteem and confidence. A positive one can build us up while a negative one can break us down and at the extreme end cripple our desire to take action.

It’s our job to listen to the inner narrator but not let it control us.

The Greatest Quarterback

Tom Brady was drafted 199^th in the 2000 NFL Draft. The play-by-play in his head stated the clear facts that six other quarterbacks were chosen ahead of him and 198 players, and that he clearly was not valued highly by NFL teams. His color commentary announcer then could have easily piled on: you’re not good enough to start, and hopefully you’ll keep a job as a backup.

Instead of wallowing in language of the negative narrator telling Brady he’s undervalued and overrated, he rejected the “you’re not good enough narrative.” Instead, Brady listened to a positive color commentary telling him that he just needed another shot to prove himself.

He threw himself into practicing harder and studying longer than his peers, and Brady waited for his chance. In 2001, the starting quarterback Drew Bledsoe was injured, and Brady never gave the starting job back. He now holds the record for most Super Bowl wins at seven.

Controlling the Voices Within

Like Brady, there are three things we must do to leverage our inner narrator.

Become Aware. First, we have to know that the play-by-play announcer and color commentator are not going anywhere, and they’re actually helpful. They allow us to make sense of the world around us and interpret our surroundings. Now, they’re not always right, but much like today’s generative AI and large language models, they provide some pretty good insight even though they occasionally push wrong narratives. We need to know that they are fallible and learn to leverage them effectively.

The more wisdom, knowledge, and experience we gain, along with practice we have assessing and critiquing our inner narrator, the more accurate it will become. Many people are great at reading others. It’s not luck. They’ve harnessed the power of the inner narrator.

Challenge Unhelpful Narratives. Second, when we hear that inner negative voice trying to drag us down, we need to challenge it. My wife uses a phrase with our kids about a three-part test to see if we should have said something: Was it kind, true, and helpful? Our words should be all three if we’re going to say them out loud. This is also a great test for our inner narrator. If it is saying things that aren’t kind, true, or helpful, we need to challenge it.

Just like addressing hurtful words from our kids or inappropriate phrases at work, we should be stopping our inner narrator dead in its tracks when we hear something unhelpful. Push back when it sounds like a burden rather than encouragement.  

Strengthen a Healthier Internal Voice. Finally, we should be working to improve our inner narrator to both speak the truth and help us improve in our situations. Often, we speak to ourselves worse than we would speak to others. It’s almost easier to forgive someone else for messing up the same thing we did. A healthy inner voice encourages us much like we try to lift others up in times of struggle.

The best inner narrators are like home team sports announcers. While they’re objective in their play-by-play, they also root for their team. There is a positive bias that wants to see a win. Our inner narrator should be biased in the same way.

Take Control of that Voice

Tom Brady learned to control his inner narrator. While he was drafted well beyond where he wanted to be, he was aware of the voice inside his head and understood it needed to state objective truth. He quickly challenged unhelpful narratives that he was less than and worked hard to prove his worth. Finally, he learned to strengthen his voice to raise him to the level he wanted to achieve.

Our inner narrator does not have to have a negative influence on our lives. We can use it to help us understand our surroundings and speak life instead of strife. The best of us control the inner narrator and use it to advance our agenda and inspire us to improve.  

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